The Case of Overachiever Syndrome- Yep, This is Probably You

You’re spinning in you head multitasking with various life stressors and tasks on you To Do list, and just about to lose it.  Slow down and just breathe.

Patients come in to see me for the first time after they have already hit their emotional brick wall. Often describing the experience of having extremely low motivation and concentration difficulties, insomnia, drinking more, are easily distracted, exhausted, more emotional than normal, blowing up over the smallest matters and often times having panic attacks. “I don’t know what’s going on with me!” Precipitating event unable to be identified, as life has been pretty consistent with not much change - regular work busyness, taking the kids to baseball, then swim lessons, attending the PTA meeting, then project meeting, assisting with their ageing parent, running errands after the gym, laundry, oops forgot to eat, organizing the closet, completing those extra work emails, can’t sleep because you just remembered something you had to send out to someone . So you know, a billion things going on at the same time. “Wow, you really have a lot on your plate. So what’s your self care like?”, I ask, as they’re in tears. My favorite response to this, “what do you mean by ‘self care’?”.  

I call this Over Achiever Syndrome - the act in which one takes on way too much in their occupational, social, and personal domains, has a very difficult time slowing down for self care, literally feeling guilty for relaxing (“why would I sit here when I could be doing this productive thing instead?!”). As a result inevitably ending up overwhelmed and thus the emotional and mental cascade commences (i.e. panic attacks, depressive symptoms, & sleep disturbance), and in some cases, the body shutting down due to a weakened immune system. Burnt out. Stretched too thin. Finding themselves far less productive and behind as a result. Remember this - you aren’t remembered for how much you do, but for how well you do. Think about that and find the balance for yourself.

We put ourselves last and everything else first.  I recently had a conversation with a good friend about the tendency for him to turn down social opportunities in exchange for getting ahead in work in order to plan for the long run. Except the long run never ends up happening and your social circle gets smaller. The work life balance struggle is real and far too common in this society. We neglect our own needs and whats good for us because our priorities are all wrong. Ask yourself, ‘how is this currently working for me?’ Then, schedule down time just like you would a meeting or an appointment. The key concept here, is this: self care refuels us. Replenishing our souls so that we can be our 100% self again in order to live our best lives in our many domains required of us socially, occupationally, and personally, and to be productive and EMOTIONALLY FULFILLED.

This verb of “self caring” can look like a lot of things - 15 minutes of sitting in your backyard, a massage and wine with friends, a movie in bed, or a two-week long vacation, so meet yourself where you’re at.   You’ve read the research - vacations and time off promote healthy work life balance and thus better occupational productivity. It provides a space for you to collect yourself, process through all the bullshit, to prioritize and make shifts, and go back into life with a clear head only to thrive even more. But first, you need to give yourself a break. Easier said than done for the Over Achiever. So start slow. 10 minutes of doing nothing except sitting down and breathing. Just 10 minutes. Then work up to taking an early afternoon for yourself. Delegate and give yourself permission to say “no” to things. Build from there. I promise you, that load of laundry will still be in the dryer, the crumbs will still be on the floor, that email left unresponded will still be in your inbox, and nobody will catch on fire as you give yourself permission to take some time for yourself in whatever capacity that works for you. Set boundaries - 2 sips of tea before you open your inbox, no cell phone after 7pm. You’ll be surprised how much of yourself you will get back.