Being Content with Being Discontent

Through my own clinical and personal journey, it has recently been reinforced what I’ve been preaching to my own patients. As it’s said, our society has it all wrong - the secret to a satisfying life ISN’T to try to seek happiness all the time. Rather, it’s to allow ourselves to be content with just being. With just being present in whatever moment and emotion we are currently experiencing, whether it’s good, neutral, or bad. Being content with being discontent. We waste so much of our life seeking out external things to try to fulfill us in the attempt to make ourselves happy, to fill voids, and avoid feeling badly while ignoring the small wonders of life of just being. This can be through constantly moving towards material things, gaining approval or attention from others, looking a certain way externally, engaging in high profile experiences, overindulging in food, alcohol, or drugs, etc. Don’t get me wrong! Not to say any of this is bad in moderation, of course. But, when this becomes the main focus of our identity, we lose ourselves from it, as it takes over the mechanism of which is our being. You will get stuck and remain unsatisfied as these external sources will never be enough.

Stop trying so hard to be happy all the time and looking outward for fulfillment. It’s not possible. As long as we continue to put forth so much of our energy into seeking happiness from external things, we will never learn the ability to fill ourselves up through our internal processes. These processes take form in ways such as just being, practicing mindfulness, having appreciation for the simple things, appreciating neutrality, and to be ok with the ebb and flow of emotions. As long as we have a pulse, the sadness, hurt, anger, and fear will always come and go. The more we fight it and deem it “bad” and feel compelled to push it away, the stronger it takes hold of us. Feeling anger? It’s there to be listened to and guide you. Feeling sadness? It’s there to tell you a loss exists that requires processing. You get my point.

This continued longing to always be happy and move towards external things keeps contentment out of our grasp. So switch your intent. Practice “non-seeking” and gratitude to keep you rooted and centered. Get comfortable with neutral. Focus on being ok with not being ok. Often those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings are there for a purpose; to tell us something about ourselves and our current lives that may need to be looked at and modified. Discontent is uncomfortable, but no feeling is ever final, so be ok with sitting with it.

This feeling of being content with discontent then, provides you with more strength and ability to fully open your eyes to find fulfillment from what is actually important. THIS is where the magic happens, folks - through this shift of no longer making the focus be about constantly seeking happiness through external things and instead being with the internal moment of wherever you are at, you now have the ability to find more joy internally. In turn, (low and behold) this provides for ultimately more happiness in the end. In paraphrasing an author I’m currently reading, we reach true freedom and contentment when we can see things as they are.

~ You’ve got this!